once the foundation's cracked
by ifonly13
Summary: They're making it work. Until it doesn't anymore.


For Morgan, who asked for a story with Meredith and _The Last Five Years_.

* * *

He finds her asleep on the couch. There are scripts on the coffee table, on the floor, and one open on her stomach. Her hair is knotted in a bun, whispy bits fraying out around her face.

Castle tosses his jacket over the arm of the chair, kneeling next to her. His fingers are gentle as the brush her hair back, thumb smoothing under her eye. "Hey," he whispers, watching her eyes open slowly. "She down for her nap?"

She nods, pushing up so she sits against the back of the couch. "'Bout half an hour ago?" she mumbles, voice thick with sleep. "Didn't take long. She's an easy baby."

"We got lucky, didn't we?"

Meredith smiles, leaning forward to press a quick kiss to his cheek. "We did. The meeting go okay? They gonna give you the time off?"

"Looks like," he says. "You manage to read through some of those?" He waves a hand toward the scattered scripts.

"Not really. Got tired."

The baby's cry carries through the apartment. Castle gets up but Meredith pushes on his shoulder, sitting him on the couch.

"I'll get her. Maybe I can get her to go back to sleep."

He waits there, tidying up the discarded scripts. Some of them have earmarks, others have post-it notes sticking out from the sides. She's been trying so hard to keep working and still be a good mom. Sure, there have been times where she has slept through Alexis's crying or let a few jobs go by so they don't have to hire a babysitter full-time.

They've both been trying.

"Rick, she..." Meredith is in the kitchen, just at the bottom of the stairs with Alexis in her arms. Looking slightly panicked. "She won't stop. I tried the pacifier and feeding her and giving her that pink blanket she loves but I can't get her to stop."

Castle takes the baby from her, pulling aside the blanket to see Alexis's face. Her hair, thin and sparse as it is, is definitely his wife's. Strawberry red and stick straight. But the little eyes, closed in anger, are both of them. His bright blue and the sharp clarity of hers.

"What's wrong, pumpkin?" he asks softly. He hears Meredith's ragged exhale at his side when Alexis quiets. "It's not your fault," he says to her, skimming his fingers over her wrist. "You got her to sleep the first time."

"Feels like it's something wrong with me," she mutters, walking over to the couch and curling up in the corner.

He hesitates. The baby in his arms and his wife in the living room. Then he goes to sit next to her. "It's not you. We're a team. We'll figure this out."

* * *

The streets of New York are black and white with freshly fallen snow, the bare branches of trees holding onto delicate icicles. Castle glances out the window and finds a couple of teenagers throwing snowballs at one another along the sidewalk.

He laughs when one of the teens takes a snowball to the face but the noise startles Alexis and she plops onto her butt at his foot. Wide blue eyes focus on her, little fingers still curled around his pant leg.

"Hey, Alexis," he says, bending over to scoop the girl up. "Want to go check on Mom?"

A smile breaks out across her face and her hand comes up to press against his cheek and she uses his chest as a springboard to bounce in his arm.

"Kay. You wanna walk to find her?"

It's still early in the afternoon and the girl is full of energy. No sooner did Castle set her on her feet was Alexis off, practically running across the living room for the bedroom. He panics once as she nearly headbutts the sidetable near the couch but the toddler avoids it, her hands waving wildly, giggles filling the air.

"Alexis, watch ─"

Too late.

She runs straight into Meredith as she comes out of the bedroom. Alexis's face crumples and Castle steps in to help but his wife picks the girl up, smoothing out her hair and the skirt of the green party dress.

"Hey, sweetie," she says, touching her lips to Alexis's forehead. "You running?"

Alexis buries her head into Meredith's shoulder, hands fisted in her mother's loose hair, babbling nonsense.

Castle follows, brushing a hand over the gentle curve of Meredith's waist and kissing her. "You gonna be okay with this?" he asks. "I know you were on set until late last night and if you're not up for it, we can cancel."

"It's fine, Rick," she replies, wiping off the bit of lipstick that smeared over Alexis's skin. "I want to do this. Right, Alexis?"

In her heels and a rather tame slate grey dress, Meredith sits at the dining room table and balances Alexis's feet on her knees. The toddler laughs, joyful and happy, as Meredith talks to the girl.

Castle leans back against the kitchen counter, his elbow dislodging the bowl of fruit salad. It took them awhile to get the routine down. Meredith had gone back to acting; not huge roles in feature films but some parts in television shows on the major networks. He worked from home rather than hiding away in coffee shops or bars, keeping an eye on Alexis in his study. She came home whenever the day of filming was over and spent some time with Alexis as she studied scripts for the next day. And she's so good with Alexis as she enters the terrible twos.

Not exactly the ideal arrangement. He knows Alexis misses her mother during the day. Hell, he misses Meredith's presence. But it's working.

A quick series of knocks on the front door makes Alexis spin her head, throwing her balance off until Meredith catches her.

"I've got her," she says, tucking their daughter onto her hip. "Go let in the guests."

He starts toward the door but stops, turning instead to jog over to her. His kiss is soft and warm, his fingers pulling her body just a little closer until Alexis leans in to kiss his cheek. Meredith laughs, setting Alexis off on a clapping spree as Castle pushes Meredith's long hair over her shoulder.

"Love you two," he says, tickling Alexis's neck just enough to get her laughter up again.

Meredith smiles, touching his elbow as he walks toward the foyer. "Love you too."

* * *

They're falling apart.

He tries to hold them together. God, he tries. But he's only so strong and he's failing.

It starts a couple of weeks after he returns from the book tour for _Hell Hath No Fury_. He's exhausted and decided to keep the nanny on for a few days until he's able to function as a father again. Meredith comes home late. Later than usual.

And they fight.

They agreed on the nanny for the days that Meredith had to film but the young lady let it slip while helping Castle make dinner that Meredith hadn't come home a few times.

Alexis is asleep on the couch, Sesame Street playing in the background, and Castle attempts to keep his voice down in the kitchen.

"You said you'd be here," he hisses. "Here with our daughter, Meredith. Not relying on Katrina to take care of her all night."

"I had to work late," she says. "I have a real job, Rick. I don't get to pick my hours."

The barb hurts but he ignores it. "Just… She's our daughter. You can't be her mother on the days you aren't working. It's for life."

Meredith groans, pacing away to the fridge. "I needed to be on set. I couldn't just leave."

"You weren't going out to dinner or heading to a show," he insists. "You were coming to take care of Alexis. Which, I think, is far more important that whatever TV show you were filming."

"It's a movie. You'd know that if you were around."

"I can't help that Gina scheduled me for a two week tour. I told her I needed to be here for Alexis and she ignored it. I came home as soon as I could."

"So it's okay for you to be gone for work but I can't?" Her voice is raised as she spins around to face him. "Jesus Christ, Rick, do you hear yourself?"

"Dad? Mom?"

Alexis's head pokes up over the couch cushions. Her hair is tangled, bright red flurries around her face, and her lips are pursed into the beginnings of a frown.

"I'm… We're sorry, pumpkin," Castle says with a quick glare at his wife before going to the couch. "Why don't we get you up to bed?"

When he comes back downstairs, Alexis tucked in, Meredith is in their bathroom. She doesn't come out until he's half-asleep.

* * *

The following week is the tipping point.

He takes Alexis out to the park and some ice cream to celebrate the end of school. She's laughing despite the mint chocolate chip still smeared around her lips as Castle unlocks the front door.

"Dad, can we do breakfast for dinner?" she asks, bouncing along in front of him to the kitchen and dropping her backpack against the island.

"Sure. Anything you want, Miss Almost-Second-Grade." He ruffles Alexis's hair on the way past her as she dashes up the stairs.

He reaches for the doorknob to the bedroom but it swings open a moment sooner. Meredith looks worried, twitching her hair into place and tying the belt of her robe around her waist. "Hi," she says quickly.

"Hey," he returns, narrowing his eyes. "You're home."

"I got off filming early. Thought I'd surprise you."

Castle leans down to kiss her cheek but Meredith ducks away. "Okay. Uh, I need to change though. Ended up playing with Alexis in the park and got dirt all over."

Except she steps in front of him, her fingers curling into the stained dress shirt. "I set up a surprise. Can't have you ruining it," she purrs but Castle can hear the strain in her voice.

"Meredith. I need to get out of these clothes. Come on." He nudges her aside and steps into the darkness.

The man in his bedroom tries to hide in the shadows of the closet. His jeans are unbuttoned and the dress shirt hangs off his shoulders. A pair of loafers are tossed at the foot of the bed.

"What the…"

He can't even finish the sentence. The one thing he could almost always rely on are snatched away from him.

Both the stranger and Meredith start talking at the same time. Apologies pouring from their lips as the man in the closet sneaks out.

"Rick, I'm sorry," Meredith moans, still in the doorway. "I didn't think you'd be home so soon and…"

"And what?" he asks. Quietly. The rage simmers underneath the calm. "You would have screwed him faster and gotten him out of our home before I walked in the front door with our daughter?"

"I… I'm so sorry."

"Get out. Please."

Meredith gets clothes on silently, snagging her purse from the armchair in the corner. The door closes with a click.

A ball of dread sinks in his chest when he hears Alexis on the stairs. "Dad! Waffles!"

"Just a second, Alexis. I need to…"

Castle takes off the dirty jeans and dress shirt, tossing them into a corner. His pajamas have been thrown onto the floor and her forgoes them, going for a pair of sweatpants and one of his comic book shirts.

He pulls his guts back into his body, takes a deep and shuddering breath, and goes back out into the foyer to make dinner with his daughter.

* * *

The divorce goes by quietly. He signs the papers, agrees to the alimony that she's asking for, and offers to get her a place in the city. She says she's going to Los Angeles, doesn't need the apartment. She wants to see Alexis sometimes. He says that he'll fly her out once in awhile depending on Meredith's filming schedule and Alexis's schoolwork.

Castle and Alexis take the whole thing well.

He knew it was coming. All of the fighting, the fact that she was never home when she said she would be, and his own frustrations with her lack of support for his career came to a head.

He slides into single fatherhood quickly. Has to. Someone needs to keep some sense of normalcy for his daughter.

They go to museums. They spend summers at the house in the Hamptons that he purchases five months after the divorce is final. He brings her to the New York Public Library, watching her marvel at the ceilings of the Reading Room before pulling him into the gift shop to buy a Little Women t-shirt because Jo is her favorite.

Except for the twice yearly trip across the country to visit Meredith in Los Angeles, he and Alexis move on, rebuilding the foundation of a family between the two of them.


End file.
